Will my heart still be special?

It has been 5 years 3 months and 12 days since Barrett had his open heart surgery. In one sense it seems like yesterday and in another a lifetime ago. Mentally we have been preparing and hearing about #2 for several year, but emotionally I feel as if this is the first time. He was so perfect and so so small. I didn't know I was staring into the face of a fiercely passionate child that does nothing without exuberance. I didn't know I was holding the 5 tiny fingers of a child that loves so deeply he makes everyone around him feel special. I didn't know 5 years ago that this was a child who would dare to test my every resolve yet whose prayers would bring tears to my eyes.

 This child my oldest my first-born is such a gift in every way and when he heard he was being "unzipped" and his heart was going to be fixed he only had one question...."Will my heart still be special?" How remarkable at 5 years old to say such a thing.  In the days that followed that conversation I have thought about that question and have ask myself if we as Christian care or think about our heart's specialness to God. What I mean is, He created us but do you think we understand how SPECIAL our hearts are to Him? What a profound difference it would make in our day to day life if our actions reflected the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. 

"The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid." Hebrews 13:6

Alfred and I have been praying for several months about Barrett's schooling next year. He is going to begin kindergarten and never did I think he would NOT enter a traditional public school setting. Since the beginning of our marriage Alfred and I have had very strong opinions about education. For instance privately educated children tend to be more spoiled and not authentic in their faith, public schools produced fairly well-rounded kids but only if those said children were in the best districts. And then there was the home-schooled children. Oh those poor children who's Mother was constantly hovering and wanted her children to remain in a protective bubble. But something happened, the more we have ministered to different families the more we've been exposed to homeschooling and somewhere over the last 3 years the stereo-type we once held to has been shattered. 

I have been reading extensively over the last few months about various families that homeschool, the different academic models, and why this is a viable option for education. The more I have read the more excited I've become. We no longer feel that there is a "type" of child that needs a homeschool environment, but God directs all types of families in this journey. As Alfred and I begin down this path with much much prayer and trepidation, I once again am exceeding thankful that God is in charge and not me, for if it was me I would be running for the hills right about now. Why God would be prompt me to teach my child is something almost laughable but nonetheless divine and for that I can only say, "Thank you". So as we begin the months of preparation and the research commences I will document this time so that I can look back on God's blessings, my mishaps, and my monkeys amazing educational journey!