Will my heart still be special?

It has been 5 years 3 months and 12 days since Barrett had his open heart surgery. In one sense it seems like yesterday and in another a lifetime ago. Mentally we have been preparing and hearing about #2 for several year, but emotionally I feel as if this is the first time. He was so perfect and so so small. I didn't know I was staring into the face of a fiercely passionate child that does nothing without exuberance. I didn't know I was holding the 5 tiny fingers of a child that loves so deeply he makes everyone around him feel special. I didn't know 5 years ago that this was a child who would dare to test my every resolve yet whose prayers would bring tears to my eyes.

 This child my oldest my first-born is such a gift in every way and when he heard he was being "unzipped" and his heart was going to be fixed he only had one question...."Will my heart still be special?" How remarkable at 5 years old to say such a thing.  In the days that followed that conversation I have thought about that question and have ask myself if we as Christian care or think about our heart's specialness to God. What I mean is, He created us but do you think we understand how SPECIAL our hearts are to Him? What a profound difference it would make in our day to day life if our actions reflected the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. 

"The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid." Hebrews 13:6

Alfred and I have been praying for several months about Barrett's schooling next year. He is going to begin kindergarten and never did I think he would NOT enter a traditional public school setting. Since the beginning of our marriage Alfred and I have had very strong opinions about education. For instance privately educated children tend to be more spoiled and not authentic in their faith, public schools produced fairly well-rounded kids but only if those said children were in the best districts. And then there was the home-schooled children. Oh those poor children who's Mother was constantly hovering and wanted her children to remain in a protective bubble. But something happened, the more we have ministered to different families the more we've been exposed to homeschooling and somewhere over the last 3 years the stereo-type we once held to has been shattered. 

I have been reading extensively over the last few months about various families that homeschool, the different academic models, and why this is a viable option for education. The more I have read the more excited I've become. We no longer feel that there is a "type" of child that needs a homeschool environment, but God directs all types of families in this journey. As Alfred and I begin down this path with much much prayer and trepidation, I once again am exceeding thankful that God is in charge and not me, for if it was me I would be running for the hills right about now. Why God would be prompt me to teach my child is something almost laughable but nonetheless divine and for that I can only say, "Thank you". So as we begin the months of preparation and the research commences I will document this time so that I can look back on God's blessings, my mishaps, and my monkeys amazing educational journey!

Nicaraguan brothers

What a joy to have our good friend Guillermo from Nicaragua in Austin with us. This past weekend was our annual GIC (Global Impact Conference) and several months ago Alfred knew it was be extremely important for Guillermo to come and be apart of the weekend. The teenagers who went to Nicaragua last July were thrilled to see him not to mention the adults, but I think Alfred was the most excited. When you ask Alfred about Nicaragua or Chosen Children he becomes this impassioned talker. Truly he loves those people and the country. When he talks and shares about Nicaragua there is a fire that is contagious. He and Guillermo have developed such a dear friendship over the last 9 years. We are grateful that Jesus binds us to people all over the world to bring glory to His name. 

Super-duper Spring Break 2009

I could not have planned a better or more perfect Spring Break for my monkeys. Truth be told that is probably why it was so wonderful because it wasn't planned. We were able to go on a whim after Barrett's Heart Cath. on 3/13/09. He did so well that we knew we needed to seize the opportunity and head to Memphis. The boys stayed up late, they ate crazy stuff that isn't apart of their normal everyday diet and we visited a museum and planetarium.  They gave millions of hugs and kisses to NeeNay and Poppa and every few minutes you could hear Bear ask, "Poppa, you okay?" Such wonderful priceless moments and I soak them all in. I am so blessed by these two monkeys, I get frustrated at times and it is then I sit back and remind myself of the great joy Alfred and I have in raising and training up these two little men. JOY - pure and simple!!

Late 2009 List

So January is just days from closing out and on with February and so with my life moving far too quickly. Normally at this point I have written out a list of things I want to accomplish and desire to see God reveal or do in my life. Since I had my surgery and most of January has been unusually crazy and painful to say the least! So here is my year's wish list/prayer list.

 I want to see God do something amazing in our life, I want Him to sell our house in Atlanta and lift that weight off us. However we have seen our needs met time and again over the last 24 months.  I desire to homeschool Barrett and to see things within myself that can only be achieved through teaching him. God has something BIG within that I KNOW it.  I want church to not be so difficult, but rather a place of glory where people's wants are so secondary.  I desire to be the Mommy that leads my little men to be great men for Jesus and lay a foundation so secure they can only see Him. 

Nice....but it is just a list until I begin the work and then He can do His thing and all His majesty is shown to all that know the Burgess family. 

My Holly

I am quiet certain this is one of the MOST dear women I will know in this life. She has given me more in the 24 months we've been friends than others have in my lifetime. I am blessed beyond words to have her compassion and her love. I am equally blessed because we can laugh and cry together. She is a jewel and a priceless treasure in my life!!! 

Post-Op

As I sit here no make that lay here I am recovering from surgery on my ACL. It went very well and now I have a graph that is healing nicely or at least I pray hourly it is healing nicely. This last week has been on of dependence and complete reliance on "other" people. For anyone that knows me well that isn't easy. My children have been in the care of someone other than myself, my own physical needs even to the extent of going to the bathroom have been aided by other person, and all my day to day task to take care of "my" family are in the hands of someone other than me. So as I am evaluate this what does God want me to glean from this time of dependence on others. I am open to Him completely right now and I am listening. Of course there are some obvious things, trust in only Him to take care and provide for me, time to "stop" and listen to Him but I am looking deeper at the thing that maybe isn't so obvious that only God could teach me during a time of struggle such as this. I want to learn and be teachable and I want to come out of this full of joy and patience. I desire my children to see a Mom who knows Jesus is the only one that restores and heals our broken bodies and He alone can sustain us when we are powerless.  I know this is a unique time that I will one day look back on and be thankful, right now it's not so easy to sing praises but it will come.....just like my knee healing.....with time.